For anyone never having been lorded over by the law, this may be no more than a good piece of fiction. For me it is scary as hell, I've been there. You certainly have me anxiously waiting for the next installment.
Excellent. We are now beyond simple character exposition, and the first cracks are falling into place. While the trooper wasn't nearly astute enough to recognize a well hidden drug dealer, the prostitution ring was enough to make even him notice. And now the seed of doubt Is planted in the concrete of his mind. The family that committed a victemless crime is broken up by the law, while the Russion walks in the daylight with The Law's blessing.
Lets face it. The USA has one of the highest incarceration rates in the world, if not the highest. Just too many things that are against the "law". The book does not seem such a stretch to me. We are not quite there but the scenario of the book is not really such a stretch when one looks around. 80K a year police officers arresting 9 dollar an hour pot heads . Makes my feet hurt when I think about it.
Gonzalo, I've been loving your stuff, but something has been nagging me, something was wrong..couldn't figure it out...until The Trooper talked to his boss, The Sheriff...we have 'Deputies', not Troopers. You're not from here are ya boy? ..;-) (Seriously, it is a gaff of epic failure proportions. We have State Troopers, State Police, but, every COUNTRY Sheriff has deputies. In every state of the Union.)
Nice. I can see this developing into something more terrifying than any slasher flick.
The interplay between the superficially law-abiding citizens and the trooper are very effectively hammering out a sense of ineptitude in the trooper's ability to deeply reason accentuating his whimsical gullibility. Same goes for shifting over to focusing on the Richardsons after leaving Yuri's.
Hard to say how it feels beyond the slow pacing yet, but so far there's enough to garner suspenseful curiosity. If the next chapter or two start kicking in some epiphanies from the trooper, that'll be decently increasing pacing.
OK this could work as a screenplay...needs some editing. As someone said above..in USA Troopers are above sheriffs..Sheriffs are NOT their bosses. This guy is in the position of a deputy sheriff and you are calling him a Trooper. Troopers generally work for the state governor.
Creepy, creepy, creepy! Especially after spending most of yesterday at the enemployment office.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work!
MrJimm
For anyone never having been lorded over by the law, this may be no more than a good piece of fiction. For me it is scary as hell, I've been there. You certainly have me anxiously waiting for the next installment.
ReplyDeleteThis is the horror of reality
ReplyDeletekeep the truth coming.
Excellent. We are now beyond simple character exposition, and the first cracks are falling into place. While the trooper wasn't nearly astute enough to recognize a well hidden drug dealer, the prostitution ring was enough to make even him notice.
ReplyDeleteAnd now the seed of doubt Is planted in the concrete of his mind. The family that committed a victemless crime is broken up by the law, while the Russion walks in the daylight with The Law's blessing.
Let's see what you can do with that small crack.
RogueEcon
I think this is what happens when you start to become almost robotic by nature.
ReplyDeleteYou loose your instincts.
He has no idea how to think for himself.
The very laws that are suppose to protect people end up being used against them.
He has forgotten how to think on his own. If it is not spelled out in black and white he does not know how to act.
I am in law enforcement for the past 23 years. I see this from all the newer guys.
What happened to the Rule of Law?
ReplyDeleteLets face it. The USA has one of the highest incarceration rates in the world, if not the highest. Just too many things that are against the "law". The book does not seem such a stretch to me. We are not quite there but the scenario of the book is not really such a stretch when one looks around. 80K a year police officers arresting 9 dollar an hour pot heads . Makes my feet hurt when I think about it.
ReplyDeleteBtw, the book reads like a screen play.
Gonzalo, I've been loving your stuff, but something has been nagging me, something was wrong..couldn't figure it out...until The Trooper talked to his boss, The Sheriff...we have 'Deputies', not Troopers. You're not from here are ya boy? ..;-)
ReplyDelete(Seriously, it is a gaff of epic failure proportions. We have State Troopers, State Police, but, every COUNTRY Sheriff has deputies. In every state of the Union.)
Sincerely,
Piper
Nice. I can see this developing into something more terrifying than any slasher flick.
ReplyDeleteThe interplay between the superficially law-abiding citizens and the trooper are very effectively hammering out a sense of ineptitude in the trooper's ability to deeply reason accentuating his whimsical gullibility. Same goes for shifting over to focusing on the Richardsons after leaving Yuri's.
Hard to say how it feels beyond the slow pacing yet, but so far there's enough to garner suspenseful curiosity. If the next chapter or two start kicking in some epiphanies from the trooper, that'll be decently increasing pacing.
OK this could work as a screenplay...needs some editing. As someone said above..in USA Troopers are above sheriffs..Sheriffs are NOT their bosses. This guy is in the position of a deputy sheriff and you are calling him a Trooper. Troopers generally work for the state governor.
ReplyDelete