A fair read do far....Trooper fires his Tasar and discards it, next we have a Tasered victim on the floor, he carries more than one Taser??? Cheers, Doug. Brisbane
PS can't leave url as you program sees it as having illegal character????? whats that about GL? Oz.
Excellent writing style, intriguing story line. Don't care for the sideways writing and background words. I'm always interested in what may be so look forward to future installments.
The sideways writing is weird, and a lot of footnotes; otherwise, interesting and humorous, in true GL style. Thanks, and keep the rest of the pages coming.
I've seen your writing on Zero Hedge and enjoyed it, but this is absolute trash. I can't work out if you want readers to empathize with the Trooper or not - I'm just waiting for someone to shoot the fucker.
So far so good..... However, wouldn't he have called for backup before he raided the house...? And as previously mentioned, how many tasers did he have...? This scene was a little off, however, I feel that you are leading us to a big twist in the story, give me more...
I'm wondering if there is a flashback to Iraq developing here as well...
Wonder if you meant to repeat the "I am excited" comment....the trooper is wacko obviously...with The Law being his religion...also I am waiting/wanting for someone to service him :)
I quite like this. No, it isn't my usual style of novel either, but it keeps my interest. Only part I found a bit tricky was the section written on its side - can turn a book on its side to read but not my desktop screen! I seem to recall that the original Tasers carried two shots. Also, Don't they use clip-on cartridges these days? He could have reloaded. They may not have enough funds to be able to provide backup unless they run into real trouble (crims with guns). Ferfal, an Argentinian who writes about going through their economic collapse, mentions having to loan his flashlight to police investigating a break in at his neighbours house because they didn't have one of their own. I also suspect the Trooper isn't the sort of guy who likes company on the job... I like the way you're showing how someone who works for the State under totalitarian/authoritarian rule comes to terms with what they are doing and accepts it as being right.
This comment pertains more to Part I than this segment, but the only constructive criticism I can offer at this time is that you spend a lot of time telling/informing the reader. This may seem very basic but the mark of good literature lies in the ability of the author to craft a symbolically logical drama and express it through the five senses. Even so-called "experimental writing" (most of which is self-indulgent drivel) must adhere to this reality lest it go misunderstood or, more often, ignored for lack of consideration for the reader. Readers want to pick up a story and have their imaginations invited, not forced into action or led astray.
I look forward to reading more of The Trooper. I hope my thoughts are helpful.
Have to agree with McSweeney. Don't care for the footnotes & watermarks. It looks more like a videogame manual. However, this second part its getting more interesting as it goes. I imagine george4title being the junkie running to the car and it makes more sense... Maybe I can translate it for you and make a movie in Spain :-) Thanks for posting the book anyway...I don't lke the installments thou. I want it all and I want it now jejeje
I am fairly interested. However, did the guy burst thru a brick wall? I am a little confused by that.
The rest is a little scary. I can see this coming to a reality in the good ol U.S. We are about 30 percent there now, maybe more.
You can see it everywhere now, people will give up all their freedoms to feel safe. We are doing it on a daily basis. Most are people are clueless that they are doing it.
This is more of a short story than a book so far. It took a lot of explanation by the trooper to say what could have been said in a couple of paragraphs.The writing on the pages tends to turn people off as mentioned by so many and I'm sure that it does just that for most readers.On page 19 it should be my not me.Running through a wall is a little hard to believe. And this trooper is able to shoot a taser he threw away and stop long enough to handcuff people while chasing the peeing kid. ?????? That too much to believe in such a short space of time. Wow !
This guy must have a twin that stopped to take care of the people in the kitchen. And, how does a person time and jump through a window of a car that is speeding away.Was this fellow truly capable of such an endeavor?????
Kind of loses the sense of reality after he kicks in the back door, as that is a clear signal for all occupants to haul ass! If he grabs the first person he sees, the rest are all long gone. It is pretty difficult to run through a piece of double walled cardboard, much less some drywall and bricks; even if hopped up I'd say impossible. Still, I like the dreamy style and want to read more! Jumping into a moving car window...I've seen that done before at about 10 mph.
Edit: normally I despise pretentious avante-garde bullshit, it's one of the many reasons I despise modern 'literature'. However, the way you're using it enhances the story.
Reading through some of the other comments, I noticed that people took issue with the incoherence of the action scene. I presume the incoherence was intentional - not only because fights like this are always hard to keep track of, but because we're delving deeper into the protagonist's own insanity. When his Kill Button is pressed he might imitate coherency with a pseudo-rational internal monologue, but in actuality he's gone into berserker rage.
This can be contrasted to his analytical description of breaking a man's wrist in chapter 1 - treating an absolutely insane behaviour as if it were normal, natural - when in actual fact he's flipping out.
Sorry, but this story just doesn't 'grab' me at all. It is too much like all the MSM stuff that is sloshing around supporting the protection fantasy that government is based on to begin with. Hey people MATURE and get independent. That will decrease need for such robocops.
The avant garde parts don't bother me. Some of them are quite good. The parts I don't like are where Lira insults the reader by explaining too much--the hangman realty signs or the swimming pool's empty eye socket. Like any joke, once you explain it it's ruined. But some of these spurts of alternate reality work. The Notice Me You Dumb Fuck watermark is a good example. It is in a different voice and adds edge to the writing without being (too) obvious.
I think there is some promise here. I do find the blandishments to be highly distracting to the point of annoyance...this is the start of a good story and does not need the gimmick. Flesh it out observing conventions and I'd find it very readable. -badScooter
Hello Gonzalo,
ReplyDeleteA fair read do far....Trooper fires his Tasar and discards it, next we have a Tasered victim on the floor, he carries more than one Taser???
Cheers,
Doug.
Brisbane
PS can't leave url as you program sees it as having illegal character????? whats that about GL?
Oz.
Excellent writing style, intriguing story line. Don't care for the sideways writing and background words. I'm always interested in what may be so look forward to future installments.
ReplyDeleteThe sideways writing is weird, and a lot of footnotes; otherwise, interesting and humorous, in true GL style. Thanks, and keep the rest of the pages coming.
ReplyDeleteI've seen your writing on Zero Hedge and enjoyed it, but this is absolute trash. I can't work out if you want readers to empathize with the Trooper or not - I'm just waiting for someone to shoot the fucker.
ReplyDeleteSo far so good..... However, wouldn't he have called for backup before he raided the house...? And as previously mentioned, how many tasers did he have...? This scene was a little off, however, I feel that you are leading us to a big twist in the story, give me more...
ReplyDeleteI'm wondering if there is a flashback to Iraq developing here as well...
Best regards,
Econolicious
Wonder if you meant to repeat the "I am excited" comment....the trooper is wacko obviously...with The Law being his religion...also I am waiting/wanting for someone to service him :)
ReplyDeleteI quite like this. No, it isn't my usual style of novel either, but it keeps my interest. Only part I found a bit tricky was the section written on its side - can turn a book on its side to read but not my desktop screen!
ReplyDeleteI seem to recall that the original Tasers carried two shots. Also, Don't they use clip-on cartridges these days? He could have reloaded.
They may not have enough funds to be able to provide backup unless they run into real trouble (crims with guns). Ferfal, an Argentinian who writes about going through their economic collapse, mentions having to loan his flashlight to police investigating a break in at his neighbours house because they didn't have one of their own.
I also suspect the Trooper isn't the sort of guy who likes company on the job... I like the way you're showing how someone who works for the State under totalitarian/authoritarian rule comes to terms with what they are doing and accepts it as being right.
Mr. Lira,
ReplyDeleteThis comment pertains more to Part I than this segment, but the only constructive criticism I can offer at this time is that you spend a lot of time telling/informing the reader. This may seem very basic but the mark of good literature lies in the ability of the author to craft a symbolically logical drama and express it through the five senses. Even so-called "experimental writing" (most of which is self-indulgent drivel) must adhere to this reality lest it go misunderstood or, more often, ignored for lack of consideration for the reader. Readers want to pick up a story and have their imaginations invited, not forced into action or led astray.
I look forward to reading more of The Trooper. I hope my thoughts are helpful.
Sincerely,
M.P.
Have to agree with McSweeney. Don't care for the footnotes & watermarks. It looks more like a videogame manual.
ReplyDeleteHowever, this second part its getting more interesting as it goes. I imagine george4title being the junkie running to the car and it makes more sense...
Maybe I can translate it for you and make a movie in Spain :-)
Thanks for posting the book anyway...I don't lke the installments thou. I want it all and I want it now jejeje
I am fairly interested.
ReplyDeleteHowever, did the guy burst thru a brick wall? I am a little confused by that.
The rest is a little scary. I can see this coming to a reality in the good ol U.S.
We are about 30 percent there now, maybe more.
You can see it everywhere now, people will give up all their freedoms to feel safe.
We are doing it on a daily basis. Most are people are clueless that they are doing it.
This is more of a short story than a book so far.
ReplyDeleteIt took a lot of explanation by the trooper to say what could have been said in a couple of paragraphs.The writing on the pages tends to turn people off as mentioned by so many and I'm sure that it does just that for most readers.On page 19 it should be my not me.Running through a wall is a little hard to believe. And this trooper is able to shoot a taser he threw away and stop long enough to handcuff people while chasing the peeing kid. ?????? That too much to believe in such a short space of time. Wow !
This guy must have a twin that stopped to take care of the people in the kitchen. And, how does a person time and jump through a window of a car that is speeding away.Was this fellow truly capable of such an endeavor?????
ReplyDeleteKind of loses the sense of reality after he kicks in the back door, as that is a clear signal for all occupants to haul ass! If he grabs the first person he sees, the rest are all long gone. It is pretty difficult to run through a piece of double walled cardboard, much less some drywall and bricks; even if hopped up I'd say impossible. Still, I like the dreamy style and want to read more! Jumping into a moving car window...I've seen that done before at about 10 mph.
ReplyDeleteDark - I love it. Your avante-garde method really fleshes out the insanity dwelling within the Trooper.
ReplyDeleteEdit: normally I despise pretentious avante-garde bullshit, it's one of the many reasons I despise modern 'literature'. However, the way you're using it enhances the story.
ReplyDeleteReading through some of the other comments, I noticed that people took issue with the incoherence of the action scene. I presume the incoherence was intentional - not only because fights like this are always hard to keep track of, but because we're delving deeper into the protagonist's own insanity. When his Kill Button is pressed he might imitate coherency with a pseudo-rational internal monologue, but in actuality he's gone into berserker rage.
This can be contrasted to his analytical description of breaking a man's wrist in chapter 1 - treating an absolutely insane behaviour as if it were normal, natural - when in actual fact he's flipping out.
Sorry, but this story just doesn't 'grab' me at all. It is too much like all the MSM stuff that is sloshing around supporting the protection fantasy that government is based on to begin with. Hey people MATURE and get independent. That will decrease need for such robocops.
ReplyDeleteThe avant garde parts don't bother me. Some of them are quite good. The parts I don't like are where Lira insults the reader by explaining too much--the hangman realty signs or the swimming pool's empty eye socket. Like any joke, once you explain it it's ruined. But some of these spurts of alternate reality work. The Notice Me You Dumb Fuck watermark is a good example. It is in a different voice and adds edge to the writing without being (too) obvious.
ReplyDeleteI think there is some promise here. I do find the blandishments to be highly distracting to the point of annoyance...this is the start of a good story and does not need the gimmick. Flesh it out observing conventions and I'd find it very readable.
ReplyDelete-badScooter